‘Born in Barnsley, Raised in Africa’
My name is Morgan Berry. No doubt you would have heard of me as I am the world’s number one and only 24 hour Pet Bereavement Counsellor.
I will be appearing at the 2015 Edinburgh Festival as part of my first ever UK Bereavement Tour. There are many interesting aspects to my show but let me first tell you some interesting facts about me so you can get a handle of what I am all about.
Firstly, I was born in Barnsley and raised in Africa, which makes me the only Bafrican in Edinburgh and quite possibly in the whole entire world. Did I mention that I specialise in Rabbit Bereavement, so if you’ve lost a Dog, Cat, Horse or Fish, I’m sorry, I can’t help you, you should have lost a rabbit.
I also own the 4th biggest hand car wash in the whole of Barnsley with my wife Jub Jub and out the back, in a small porta cabin, I run my Pet Bereavement Centre called Watership Down.
I once knew a man called Michael Finnegan who had alopecia from the neck up. When rabbits express joy is it called Binky. they will run, jump into the air, twist their body and flick their feet.
Lots of people think they are having a fit or a seizure, in fact they are having fun. Every Abba song ever written was secretly written about a rabbit. I cured myself of Motor Neurone Disease in 1999.
When rabbits communicate it sounds like they are speaking Welsh. I’ve had a weapon named after me in Botswana- The Morgan Berry 9000 Crossbow (look it up! Ask Jeeves!) and in case you were wondering I keep my eggs out the fridge.
Ok, that’s enough of the interesting stuff about me. Let me tell you about the show.
The aim of the show is to reach out to as many people as possible to help them cope with their grief by practising my very own, self styled and unique method of counselling called: ‘Freedom Healing.’
FH is a journey of self discovery. It’s like your most favourite place that you’ve never been to. Think of a cloud and double it! Now add one more cloud. You’re not even close. It’s mystical, it’s spiritual, it’s Freedom!
I do what no other Pet Bereavement Counsellor can do. I bring dead rabbits back to life so people can meet their rabbit again to say goodbye properly.
This helps people get all those niggling things off their chest that they wished they’d done before the rabbit died. Now if that’s not worth watching then I don’t know what is! I will also be making a human sacrifice during the show.
If someone else blows your trumpet the sounds travels twice as far. So don’t take it from me about how effective my treatment is. Just read my latest testimonial from Denise in Gillingham:
Three years ago I lost my pet rabbit Rambo to Myxomatosis after he came into contact with a wild rabbit. This was and still is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to endure. I have no family and only two close friends in other countries, and felt totally alone. Your methods of coping really lifted my spirits and off the back of coming to see you I met the man of my dreams after he was in the same boat as me. We are getting married next year and treating ourselves to laser eye surgery in honour of Rambo and Keith. We would like you to be guest of honour at our wedding. Will you come? Thank you for being you Morgan.”
So, if ancient wisdoms, tribal rituals, laughter therapy and human sacrifice is your thing then come along and see me. Think how satisfied you feel after you visit the car wash! You feel great right, and so does the car. That’s how I will make you feel! Inside and out! Even if you haven’t lost a pet, come see me and I will set you free. Bereavement plus time= comedy!
Morgan Berry: Watership Down. PBH Free Fringe. 6pm at the Banshee Labyrinth (cinema room), Niddry Street, 8-31 August (not 10,17, 24)