Top modern Christmas cracker gags revealed
Take That, Luis Suarez and David Cameron have all made appearances in a list of the funniest modern festive jokes.
The top ten list also includes jokes about Bono, the royal family and UKIP, as revealed by a competition to find the best new Christmas cracker jokes.
UKTV’s comedy channel Gold challenged comedians and amateurs to pen their own modern festive funnies after a poll last revealed that 72% of the nation believe that cracker jokes are outdated, and 70% were left groaning rather than giggling as they shared their cracker jokes on the big day.
The top ten funniest festive jokes for 2014 are:
1. What will be missing from Take That’s Christmas stocking this year? An Orange.(20%)
2. How does Luis Suarez like his Christmas dinner? Bite-sized.(18%)
3. What do the royal family play at Christmas instead of musical chairs? Game of Thrones.(18%)
4. What did the Snowman say to the aggressive carrot? ‘Get out of my face.’(17%)
5. Why is Christmas a busy time for David Cameron? He’s got two parties to organise.(17%)
6. What’s the difference between Bono and Santa? Santa gives you things you want.(16%)
7. Why won’t Santa visit Nigel Farage? Because he only comes if you sleep, not if UKIP.(16%)
8. Why are snowmen rubbish at cricket? They’re always bowling snow-balls.(16%)
9. I got a UKIP advent calendar. It’s rubbish, all the doors keep slamming shut.(14%)
10. Why is The Great British Bake Off like the nativity? Because the Star is in the Yeast.(14%)
Jokes were entered by the public via Twitter, and the best shortlisted by a panel of judges, led by comedy expert Bruce Dessau.
The gags were then voted on by 2000 British adults, with the winning jokes included in bespoke boxes of crackers, presented to this year’s winners.
“This year’s top ten confirmed what I always suspected – that there are comedians everywhere,” said Dessau. “The entrants came up with quips that were cheeky, smart and snappy, the perfect combination for the perfect Christmas cracker joke. It was good to see lots of topical humour in there too, with Luis Suarez, Nigel Farage and The Great British Bake Off featuring prominently. And with this year’s winner, Take That can now add yet another number one hit to their CV!”
Lynne Newton , author of the winning joke, said: “I am so delighted to have my joke chosen as the winner and can’t wait to see it in a Christmas cracker this year – I tried to think of a joke for which all age groups would enjoy the punch line, I hope it gets a great reaction from all who see it! My husband is 50 at the end of the year, so I’m planning to use the prize to surprise him with a holiday.”