Giggle Beats

Fringe Diaries #4: Danielle Ward

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Danielle Ward | Giggle Beats

Danielle Ward

With two weeks left to go of a festival that last two weeks too long, I thought I’d share with you how I like to spend my days off. The other thing I was going to write about was how financially ruinous the Fringe has become – especially this year when the arse has fallen out of ticket sales (I’ll selling my eggs to an American couple in September to avoid bankruptcy) – but that seemed too negative.

I’ve had my day off already this year. I got the megabus back to London on Monday night (6th) so I could spend the next day at the Olympic Park. And then in the evening I went to the ExCel to see Greco-Roman wrestling. I cried when the medals were presented. It was like watching the best Sandra Bullock film ever. I’ve loved the Olympics so hard. If you’re a non sports fan comedian you might resent it taking away from the Fringe but I’ve bloody adored it. I’ve not seen any shows yet because I spend all my days weeping whilst watching people run around with flags draped over their shoulders.

The times I’ve remained in Edinburgh I’ve always tried to use my day off to get a bit of head space and get out of the city. I never go and see a show that clashes with me. Fuck off. Those guys are my enemies and mortal rivals and I wish them nothing but failure. One of the best places is North Berwick. It’s a gorgeous little seaside town though the last time I went the weather was miserable and I ended up sat along on the beach with two umbrellas trying to make some sort of shelter, juggling a cup of tea and an ice cream. (I always go alone. Seaside rain and solitude are good for the soul). When the sun came out I caught some crabs in my shoe.

A closer option is the Zoo. Edinburgh Zoo is brilliant. I urge everyone to visit the zoo during their time at the Fringe. Unless you hate animals in which case it probably won’t do much for you and you’d be better off spending the day reading all your reviews and self harming. The obvious highlight at the Zoo is the penguin parade when everyday they open the penguin pen and any birds who fancy a wander around are allowed out. The first time I went only three joined in (it is not a compulsory parade. It’s not Communist China). It was great. Two Stars.

The last time I was at the Fringe we used the day off to host Karaoke Circus so I spent it tracking down a backline because the prick at the Assembly Rooms who said there would be one was either 1) lying, or 2) stupid. Still, the show was awesome. We’re not doing Karaoke Circus this year because we’re old and tired and me and the drummer now have a puppy so we’d have to take him to rehearsals and he’s not fully house trained yet (the dog. Not the drummer). Not that you’d notice any extra wee in a rehearsal studio. Most of them are disgusting.

Plug time: I’m doing two shows in one venue this year. If you come on Monday, Wednesday, Friday or Saturday you’ll see “Speakeasy” (It got 5* from a man who I directed to the gents toilet). Sunday, Tuesday and Thursday is a storytelling show “Play Dead”. Like Tales of the Unexpected but with at least three more jokes. Pleasance Dome 8.20pm. Thankyoubye x